Childhood Trauma
My family was forced out of our country of origin under hostile circumstances when I was seven years old. I left a relatively idyllic...
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Liberates our Dignity, Empowers All in their Humanity
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Shame for hurting another: my first memory
My own first conscious memory is one shame. I was four years old, running around with a group of kids on the playground. The night...
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getting molested as a young boy
When I was nine years old, without my parents’ knowledge, I went to an afternoon movie after school, where an older man, a stranger who...
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1: THE PAIN OF OUR ALL-TOO-HUMAN SHAME
How much of a role does shame play in your life? How large does it loom for you? If you're a man, do you feel shame over being one? Or...
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2: MEN’S DIFFICULTY WITH VULNERABILITY: WE NEED BOTH OUR YIN AND YANG
We humans are social animals, so connection and belonging are essential to our survival. This is what makes shame—the fear of being cast...
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3: VULNERABILITY AS STRENGTH
As men, we are expected to possess strength, power, and confidence, traits that might appear to be the opposite of vulnerability. But in...
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4: OWNING OUR SHAME
Let me start by owning my shame myself. I feel shame on two levels: personal, for my actions, and group-level, for what others in my...
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5: MEN’S ENCULTURATION INTO VIOLENCE AND EMOTIONAL DISCONNECTION
Our enculturation as soldiers and warriors is one of the main contributors to the violence that we men perpetuate. Since the tribal...
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6: THE WAY OUT IS THROUGH: THE CASE OF DAN
Dan was the founding managing partner of one of San Francisco's top litigation firms. Brilliant and charismatic, he founded the firm at...
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7: MINING OUR SHAME, RECOVERING OUR INNOCENCE
Dan’s process echoes what I have seen repeatedly with men (and women)—that allowing and becoming intimate with our shame is the gateway...
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8: DIFFERENCE, GENDER, SEX, AND SHAME
In the very first story in the Bible, humans’ “fall from grace” follows our first transgression, eating from the tree of knowledge of...
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9: SEX AND SHAME: A CHALLENGING AND IMMENSELY REWARDING JOURNEY
Unfortunately, this journey into liberation, particularly in the domain of sexuality, is a long and arduous one. The Israelites had to...
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10: SHAME IS OUR PRIMAL WOUND
Just as the biblical story of Adam and Eve presents shame as the primal wound leading to human suffering, my own first conscious memory...
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11: RECOVERING OUR BELONGING, MATURE MASCULINITY, AND DIGNITY
As children, we are utterly dependent on our caregivers for our survival. Yet, they often use shame, rejection, and the withdrawal of...
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12: THE DARKNESS OF SHAME IS A POWERFUL PORTAL INTO THE LIGHT OF LOVE
Brené Brown tells us that, “Vulnerability is the core of shame and fear and our struggle for worthiness, but it appears that it’s also...
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13: REFERENCES
Men, Women and Worthiness: The Experience of Shame and the Power of Being Enough by Brene Brown (2012). Boulder, CO: Sounds True. Shame,...
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