Childhood Trauma

My family was forced out of our country of origin under hostile circumstances when I was seven years old. I left a relatively idyllic childhood of privilege and entered years of traumatic experiences as my family began a steady decline and fell apart. My father who had been wealthy through his own efforts and inheritance found himself mostly starting over having to work and rebuild his education and career at mid life. He abused alcohol and prescription medications becoming progressively angrier at his situation as concurrently his marriage broke down. My mother retreated from his anger by locking herself into the guestroom at night. One night when I was eight or nine years old I was awakened by my father screaming. My brother who was six years older and I watched in horror as my father broke down the door to the guest bedroom, dragged my mom out and began to strangle my mother by the neck holding her up against the wall and yelling “I’m going to kill you“. My mother screamed out to my brother to “Call the police” as he turned and started dialing on the hall phone my father said “If you call the police I will kill you after I kill her”. He froze and I wet myself shaking with fear. The situation eventually calmed down and the police were not called and my mother and brother were not killed. I continued to have nightmares and wet my bed for a few years after. I was ashamed of this traumatic memory and of how awful my family situation had become. It took me a long time as a young man to be able to share and work on this trauma. It was hard for me to trust people at a deep level after this trauma which destroyed my sense of safety in my family. It has taken me a lot of deep work, psychological and spiritual, to return to a state of trust and love and forgiveness.

Loic Jassy